Ciel Ellis
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The Messy Middle... where we lose confidence

3/2/2020

5 Comments

 
Picture
My Peony Series is coming along.  I have plans to complete 15 paintings all focused on that gorgeous bloom - the peony. 

This is one of the most challenging flowers to paint simply because of the abundance of petals that you literally get lost in as you try to articulate which one goes where.  

My process, up until this point, has been to articulate the shapes using the greyscale.  This has been a really effective way to capture the details, then move to colour once that layer has dried.  There are a couple of limitations to this, the main one being time.  1) The time to create the painting increases because you are basically painting the image twice and 2) the drying time for each layer ads to the completion time of the painting. 

So I decided to venture into painting directly in colour rather than the greyscale.  To be honest, I've been a bit scared by it.  Removing a key step to my process unsettled me.  However, I just began, like I always do, putting paint on the canvas.  I'm 9 hours in with several of the hours being wasted in doubt and mixing the various shades of pink.  Can you hear the judgement when I say wasted in the previous sentence. 

Yes, judgement has been a constant companion with this change in process.  It's really no different than the judgement that I was faced with when I started the greyscale process.  So I know I've travelled this path before and it's a necessary step to the success that I have already achieved in the greys.  It's no different with colour.  Building confidence required that we do something versus just reading or wishing about it.   

One of my mentors calls it the "Messy Middle".  It sure is a messy middle.  It's a hot mess, or that's what my judgemental mind wants to tell me.  

However, the other thing I know to be true is that I can only focus on one section at a time, and I do know what I'm doing if I pay attention and listen to what my intuition is telling me needs to come next.  That's all I ever have to work with.  

As David Whyte says "Start close in."  I'll attach the poem here for you.  Start close in with the first step.  That's all we have to work with.  Just start close in.  

Start Close Inby David Whyte
Start close in,
don’t take the second step
or the third,
start with the first
thing
close in,
the step
you don’t want to take.
Start with
the ground
you know,
the pale ground
beneath your feet,
your own
way to begin
the conversation.
Start with your own
question,
give up on other
people’s questions,
don’t let them
smother something
simple.
To hear
another’s voice,
follow
your own voice,
wait until
that voice
becomes an
intimate
private ear
that can
really listen
to another.
Start right now
take a small step
you can call your own
don’t follow
someone else’s
heroics, be humble
and focused,
start close in,
don’t mistake
that other
for your own.
Start close in,
don’t take
the second step
or the third,
start with the first
thing
close in,
the step
you don’t want to take.
A David Whyte poem from
River Flow: New & Selected Poems
Many Rivers Press

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5 Comments
Annabel Melnyk
3/2/2020 07:07:55 pm

You are so accomplished, it’s surprising that a change in your process throws you back into the messy middle! But it makes sense and I totally get it. I’m at the messy beginning, I didn’t wait until the middle to wrestle with self doubt!

Reply
Ciel Ellis
4/2/2020 06:53:25 pm

Oh Annabel, that gave me a chuckle. I think every painting so far I've hit the messy middle of doubt. I know it's all part of the process. I feel like my commitments are being refined and challenges so that I can make a new decision, ask for help, get clear, and simply things to just move forward with the next 'right' step.

I love seeing your art work. You too are very accomplished, even if you don't feel so right now. Your work is really beautiful. I do hope you can take a moment to appreciate the vulnerability and risk that you are taking to allow your creativity to flow.

Well done! Please keep sharing your work. I'm really enjoying it.

Reply
Annabel
4/2/2020 07:44:25 pm

Oh my goodness Ciel. Thanks for your encouragement and kind comments!

Patti Beer
4/2/2020 02:46:30 pm

YES!!! Intuition...it is a huge theme in my life. Some of the process mentioned here starts particularly well when you follow that fleeting thought that you should jump in and you don't hesitate and somehow it just starts to feel right. Nothing you can nail down or put your finger on but like coming home. This is the state that I am in when I am true to that intuition. I know that point you are talking about, where the first time it feels like such a struggle of doubt.
After doing it a few times, with experience you kind of expect it and embrace it as part of the journey. FLOW is the other part...not with this first step and the messy middle particularly, but when it starts to come together and you get lost in it. Magic!

Reply
Ciel Ellis
4/2/2020 06:59:53 pm

Hi Patti. I love this conversations. Yes, the FLOW. I think that is the elixir of life. When we challenge our doubt and worry, follow our intuition and trust that we will know what comes next, or rather we will be guided when the time is right.

Wisdom like most things, is earned by doing. So being with the doubt and fear and moving forward anyway for the sake of our commitment to find out what happens when we do. It is quite a wonderful journey.

I know currently there is force wanting me to create and it is my job to show up and be that vehicle to create what wants to come me. That's all I have to do is show up and do my job. Move that paintbrush, mix that paint and follow my intuition.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. It's wonderful to get to know you. It's been quite some time since we, two strangers, conversed over journalling in Starbucks so many years ago.

Take care. Ciel.

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    Ciel Ellis.
    ​-Fine Artist-

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  • Home
  • Flower Paintings
    • Upcoming Flower Paintings
    • Prints
    • Sold Paintings
  • Learn From Me
    • Free Resources
    • Art Business Success Planning Course
    • Composition - the critical structure.
    • Value Studies
    • Colour Mixing with Confidence
    • Realistic Floral Painting
  • Other
    • About >
      • Biography
      • CV
    • Blog
    • FAQ